Ready to Go

Two mores days until I embark on the biggest adventure in my life thus far. The past two weeks have been like torture. I just want to go! Now! I’m ready!

Earlier in the year, I suffered from almost-crippling anxiety, sparked by my impending departure for Merry England. I had a cocktail of fears swimming around my mind, that pushed out any excitement I had been harbouring for my trip. I ended up having to see a councillor for a few weeks to get my thoughts in check. Because while I was aware that many of my fears, while totally plausible, were being blown out of proportion in my head.

Now, my fears have simmered down to a low murmur. The regular-sized fears any sane person would have when embarking on a big adventure. Thankfully, this means that all my excitement is back.

For a long while a worried about leaving my life here behind. What was going to happen when I get back? Will things be different? What about my friends?

But truth be told, while I do have a few good friends, I don’t have a group of friends. A little gang. That’s something I’ve never had. I had two really close friends and I know they’ll be with me for life, and while I love my other friends dearly, losing them by being absent for a long period of time is a risk I’m going to have to take. My social life the past year has not been all that great. When I leave on Monday, I’m not leaving a great deal behind. And most of what I am leaving behind, I know won’t be changing. My friendship with my closest friends will still be strong, my relationship with my parents will probably never change anyway, and my work colleagues will become just good friends. I haven’t got a relationship, or a career, or study. It’s kind of sad to think that I haven’t got much for me where I am, but it’s true. Part of the reason I’m so ready to go, is I’m ready to experience new things. I’m ready to get out of this place I’ve been for the past 20 years and see the world and what it has to offer me.

I’m packed. I’m prepared. And I’m ready to go!

Maddy xxx

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