The Goth Inside

Growing up in a household that played the likes of the Damned, the Sisters of Mercy, the Mission and the Nephilim, where there were real human skulls and dragon goblets on the mantle piece, and a headless angel statue in the garden (we got it cheap because of the detached head) there was no doubt I was going to turn out with a Gothic heart as well.

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Me and the folks, 1997 and 2014 (feat. Mum and Dad’s wedding outfits from 1995)


My love for Gothic stuff has just grown and grown over the years. In year 12 I spent a lot of time around Gothic paraphernalia, as I used Gothic as my theme for my major studio arts project. I spent hours reading about everything to do with the word Gothic, and had the Sisters of Mercy on repeat to keep me in the mood.

In the past two years however, I’ve been dressing very rockabilly and vintage. The thing I love about rockabilly is I could always darken it a bit, Goth it up or punk it up a bit. But I love the occasional days where I let my Goth come out in full. One day I could be in a pink floral dress and white patent leather shows, the next an all black outfit heavy with lace, dark lipstick and black eyeshadow.

The past few years have been a battle of styles with me. And it became a real struggle, because I didn’t know what to wear. Fashion so important to me, because I want to be a costume designer. My clothes make up a big part of my identity, but I just didn’t know where my heart lay. Eventually I just let myself wear whatever I wanted when I felt like it. And it will change from day to day. Those girls who are vintage 24/7 amaze me, because nothing feels better than pulling on my black skinny jeans, a band t-shirt and my Dr Martens. But I suppose those girls have that one taste. I love rockabilly, I love vintage, I love the 60s and the 20s. I love the 70s. I love punk. And I love Gothic. I let every style have their moment.

Today I came out in my fourth all-black outfit in four days, and Dad said to me “you’re really getting back to your hoots, aren’t you?” The past few days I’ve been really feeling the Gothic vibe, drooling over Goth clothes online, reaching for my darker lipsticks and darker eyeshadows, and feeling the need to wear all black. But you never know, tomorrow I might be wearing a brightly coloured 60s frock, or a leopard print capris and a 50s style tie-waist blouse. Or even my 70s flares. You never cant tell. But it all feels like me.

Maddy xxx


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